Text: Matt 21:28-30
We are continuing our discussion on communication. you see, love is what you do, not what you feel. Love is action. Jn 3:16 tells us that, ‘for God so love the world that He gave……..’; it is the giving that describes the love. So if you say you love be ready to give. Give your time, emotions, consideration, etc. There are different styles of communication, the way you relate with your spouse communicates how you feel about him/her much more than a thousand ‘I love you’.
The first style of communication I will talk about is the DOMINEERING style; where you give the impression of; I am the Lord and master, what I say stands, I am the queen here, if I am not pleased nobody will be happy. The men are more guilty here. Some husbands like to Lord it over their wives. They say she has no choice, if she is not careful, I will take another wife, etc. This attitude breeds hostility, anger, tension, and the like. As time goes on, affection disappears and the person begins to feel indifferent, demotivated, uninterested, and uninteresting.
Next, we have the INACTIVE style of communication; this is like the flip side of domineering, where a person is at the receiving end, he/she just takes whatever the other person does with docility. Never objecting, never complaining. this is very dangerous. What this person is saying is; I don’t count, you are all that matters. This person soon becomes bitter, weary, angry, frustrated, tired, low self-esteem, and so on. This kind of relationship might seem good on the outside, but it is a timed bomb waiting to explode. Never let your spouse get used to treating you anyhow. For your health and the survival of your marriage. Open up to your spouse, lovingly express your feeling. Find a good time to talk about your hurts, disappointments, your pains, and joy. Do not keep quiet, do not assume your spouse knows or should know. You can create the time by taking your spouse,[anyone can take the other out]. When you do this remember not to count your spouse’s faults, but to express how you feel. Do not sweep hurts under the carpet, when you do, the fester. A festering wound is cancer, it destroys. Once you have talked about it, let it go, do not hold unto it. Do not bring it up during other matters; that is, do not recall the past. Never keep quite if you are not happy. Prov 26:5 says if you do not talk about how you feel the other person will think he/she is right.
We also have a MANIPULATIVE style of communication; this style uses subtle methods, like emotional or psychological blackmail. For instance, your spouse tries to express him/herself, you begin to cry or you get very furious such he/she will be forced to keep quiet. Some people go to the extent of withholding privileges. So your spouse is cowed into silence. Over time he/she becomes frustrated with bottled-up anger. You can not get full loyalty from this person. It becomes difficult for him/her to commit fully to the relationship. The person may be physical with you but emotionally somewhere else. committed with the head while the heart is somewhere else. This, most time is the reason for infidelity; especially with women.
The fourth style is the BALANCED style; this is that healthy style of communication that says; you count, I count. A win-win method where both parties consider each other, look out for each other and treat each other equally.
How do you achieve BALANCE?
- study the word of God together. Josh 1:8
- Act the word. Jam1:22, Deu32:46-47
- Pray together for each and with each other.
- Surrender to Jesus. He is the ultimate lover, He will teach you how to love.
- Send me a mail. Let me know how this has ministered to you. God bless you.