Text: Matt 21:28 – 30.
‘But what say ye?, A certain man had two sons, and he came to the first and said, Son, go work to day in my vineyard. He answered and said I will not, but after, he repented and went. And he came to the second and said likewise. And he answered and said, I go, sir; and went not’.
communication is the act of giving and receiving information. The more information a person has about a particular subject,[person, issue, object, etc] the more knowledgeable that person becomes about the subject. The depth of your relationship with a person is dependent on the depth of your knowledge of that person. That is why a group of students meet at the beginning of a term or semester, by the end of that school year, some become friends, best friends, or just class/school mates. The information they have shared, their attitude, mannerism, etc formed the basis for these levels of association.
There are four levels of relationship;
- Surface level
- Structured level
- Secure level
- Solid level
Surface relationship refers to the people you meet casually,[at the bus stop, at work, on the way, in church, market, in school, etc]. You know them by face, you may even be acquainted, but no attachment, because you know little or nothing about them. A time comes when you begin to get close to this person. You know you will meet him/her at church, work, school, or where ever. You begin to look forward to seeing him/her. Some kind of contact has been established due to regular encounters. This is when it is said the relationship has become Structured. At this point, the two have started sharing information about themselves. Whether they will go further or not is determined by what they learn about each other. If they are happy with what they have known, they move on to the next level and that is; Secure. The secure level is the point where people become best friends, lovers, or even married couples. They have known a lot about each other to the point where they can take each other into confidence. This is the most vulnerable level of relationship because familiarity has set in. But if a person is wise, you can build on it and make your relationship stronger. That is the last level; the Solid level. Solidity is also in levels but we will leave that for another day.
It takes trust, to get a relationship to the solid level, the level where it becomes unbreakable. Trust is built by communication. Communication is a combination of the things you say and do. That is verbal and nonverbal. Verbal refers to the things you say, while nonverbal refers to the things you do. Over time, as your words match your actions, your spouse begins to fuse into you. this is because he/she can trust you. He/she can sleep with both eyes closed because they trust you.
Look at the boys in our anchor scripture, they sent conflicting signals to their father. When your child respects and does exactly as you say, there is a way you feel about him/her, the one who does not, there is also a way you feel about him. If these boys continue to say one thing to their father and do something else, over time, he will become disenchanted with them. His feelings for them will be confused. That is how it is with all of us. When your actions do not synchronize with your words, you are sending conflicting signals. For instance; you can not say, you love someone, yet you are cheating on him/her. You can not say, you love someone and you have no consideration for him/her. You want to demand money, you do not stop to think how he will feel if he has it or not if he is tired or not, what mood he is in does not matter to you.
some times the woman has been on her toes all day fixing one thing after the other, you want her to wait on you hand and foot. [I know your wife should wait on you, but I said, she has been on her feet all day]. The bible says ‘two are better than one for they have a good reward for their labor’. Eccl 4:9. It means that a person will not be overburdened if he/she has a spouse. When you let your spouse be overburdened in any way, you are saying to the person, ‘you don’t count, it’s all about me’. you are not walking in love.